Our brains are constantly at work, processing
messages and releasing hormones based on often-unconscious cues. These hormones
influence our moods and behaviors, and I invite you today to become a little
more aware of how your sense of fairness can trigger them.
Back in March I wrote about the cultural concepts of Universalism and Particularism. Trompenaars names this dimension when he saw that while every society has rules, they differ in how consistently these rules are applied.
Universalist cultures are more consistent, applying rules the same way to everyone, whereas Particularist cultures may make exceptions depending on circumstances.
Growing up in those cultures, then, influences a person’s sense of right and wrong, and how wrong-doers should be treated. To illustrate the difference, Trompenaars asked his research participants if they would lie to the police to protect a friend. People from Universalist cultures are less likely than people from Particularist cultures to do that.
From a personality Type perspective, your preference for Thinking or Feeling will also influence your definition of fairness. People with a Thinking preference are more likely to view logic, objective reasoning as fair, whereas people with a Feeling preference are more likely to take values and the effect on people into account.
Since the cultural and Type dimensions seem to be so similar, I always wonder which overrules the other. In the case of lying for a friend to the police, for me, the Universalist culture respect for rules trumps my Feeling preference.
Either way, there’s a bit of stress being produced in my brain: I don’t want my friend to get in trouble, but I also don’t want to lie.
How would you react in these situations?
Your colleague receives public praise for something you’ve helped with, and she doesn’t acknowledge your contribution. Is that fair? How does that influence your working relationship going forward?
If doing the work is intrinsic motivation enough for you, you may not give it a second thought. If, however, you feel like her status was being lifted while yours wasn’t, you’ll be experiencing some negative feelings. Breathe through them, and when you’ve calmed down, a conversation may be in order.
Your favorite player has fouled a guy from the other team, and the referee benches him as a consequence. Is that fair? On a scale of 1 to 10, how much would prefer to see him continue to play?
If you want to see him play despite the foul, you’ve just made a Particularist exception. Your brain probably inhibited your otherwise logical appreciation of following the rules, but because you see him as part of your in-group, he’s worthy of protection.
We make thousands of unconscious decisions about “yes, no”, “right, wrong”, “good, bad” every day. Partly based on our cultural programming of which behavior we have learned to be acceptable, partly based on our personality type preferences. Especially our introverted Feeling (Fi) function informs how we attach value to our experiences.
Next time you have a disagreement with someone, try to take a step back and remember that you’re evaluating what’s fair from your own unique perspective. Dialogue and consensus will be easier to find if you can try and understand the other person’s point-of-view as well. And sometimes, it’s not personal, but cultural.