Moving Sucks
Never mind the optimism and hopeful anticipation of arriving at a new destination, beginning a new phase in life, or finally having more space for all those shoes you bought: before you can get there, you have to find the right there.
Can you tell I’m looking for a house and not keen about the process? Knowing our lease is up on May 31st and not knowing where I’ll be living the day after is a major source of stress for me. And we’re not even moving internationally this time.
Traversing the Atlantic from Spain to Mexico without an abode to walk into was easy compared to this. Guess I had too much other stuff to worry about at the time, like visas and spiders. Now we’ve been looking at about a hundred properties online, a dozen in person, and we’re real estate clients from hell: everything we’ve seen was either nice on the inside or in the right kind of neighborhood, but not both.
Thankfully, I have type language to explain what’s going on. Instead of telling you four-letter codes, let me describe some typical preferred behavior.
When it comes to making purchasing decisions, I’m quite straightforward and direct. I appear pretty high energy, usually know exactly what I want to buy, where it is located in the store, and make a bee-line for it. I’m all about making quick decisions and moving on to the next item on the agenda. No need to discuss too many details, once I know what works I’ll go back to it. For bigger items, I tend to get a vibe or a feel and it either fits or it doesn’t. For example, when we were going to buy me a car, I got so overwhelmed and frustrated with learning about all the facts and figures that I decided I’d simply keep the car we already had and made my husband find a car that he would drive. This solution worked well for both of us.
My husband’s pace is slower. His energy is more contained. He is the most calm, quiet, agreeable, and laid-back person I know. His decisions integrate all available information, and he has no problem spending hours reading nutritional labels, car fact sheets, or in this case, real estate websites. He’s very comfortable researching and integrating all available information. Once he has a baseline, there is time for refining, clarifying, and establishing an order of preference. Given his cultural background, he’s a little more comfortable getting closer to the May 31 deadline before making a decision as well.
Have you recognized anyone you know in my brief descriptions? I know and have heard of many couples who have the same make-up: extraverted “active/doing” female and introverted “re-active/thinking” male. My interaction style is called In-Charge, his is called Behind-the-Scenes. At first glance, they seem to be complete opposites, but they do have one thing in common: focus on the result. For the In-Charge style, a result has to be achievable and the focus is on the creation and production of the outcome. For the Behind-the-Scenes style, the result has to be of the highest possible quality.
I may be getting anxious about the looming deadline (because let’s face it: for me, the real deadline is at least 5 days prior to allow some wriggle room). But I absolutely do appreciate and recognize that with my husband’s patience to wait it out and not settle prematurely, he is saving us from signing a contract to live in a place we might end up hating two months in. The thing about an In-Charge quick decision is this: if you hate it, you can change it – just go with something. This decision-making style is not effective in these circumstances. A year-long commitment deserves some more detailed attention, and I’m glad I can rely on my hubby to fill in those blind spots for me. Now if we’d only be able to buy our groceries my way…
Thanks to “digitalart” for the pic!
Expats in the USA – Why I’m considering going vegan and you should, too
In the below video, you’ll hear for 18 and a half chilling minutes why an organic plant-based diet might be a healthful choice, at least while you’re living in the States. Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor. I share information that appeals to my common sense, and I do hope to give you an incentive to start asking more questions of your own.
Video player not working? Click the link: TEDxAustin Robyn O’Brien 2011
Further Resources:
Happy Holidays, and help with research, please!
2011 is coming to a close, 2012 is upon us…
I’m sure you’ve read enough “year in review” and “how to plan” posts by now that I’m not going to add to the clutter. You know what you want, you know what you have to do, now go out and do it.
What you may not know yet is that I need your help with my research project into how our Type preferences influence cultural adaptation. (more…)
Third Culture Kids Resources
Following a great article that Maria Foley, aka @IWasAnExpatWife, shared on Twitter, I found some more of her writing on TCKs. At the same time, someone asked me about TCK resources, so below for your reading pleasure, a collection of links: (more…)
My Type has changed – what does that mean? Part 2
A participant asked this question during a team workshop I facilitated recently. I explained in an earlier post that your MBTI(r) questionnaire result depends in large part on your state of mind, expectation, and cultural preferences at the time of answering the questions. A different result can have another explanation as well. (more…)
My Type has changed – what does that mean?
This was one of the questions that came up during a recent Team workshop I facilitated. If you’ve taken the MBTI(r) questionnaire before, and find that your four-letter result comes up differently, it may be due to a number of reasons. (more…)
Type, Culture, and Small Talk
Michael Mahlberg (Software Developer, ENFP, World-Traveler) and I met at the Amplifying Your Effectiveness (AYE) Conference in Phoenix, AZ in 2008. Michael is from Cologne, Germany, just a couple hundred miles South of my hometown. With his permission, I’d like to share an anecdote of what happened when we met last night for dinner. (more…)
Type and Relationships
Have you ever consciously thought about how you show your loved ones that you care? Or what it is that makes you feel loved and appreciated? Awareness around these details will enable you to build relationships you’ll want to stay in, as well as help you move through challenging situations much faster. (more…)
Coming Home
Yesterday’s call on Introduction to Type and Reintegration was a great opportunity to remind myself of the complexities in any given transition process. Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh did a great job clarifying that the booklet may have been written with returning soldiers in mind, but that the concepts are equally applicable in other home-coming situations. (more…)