Step 1 – Get to Know Myself

Over the next few months, I’ll be going back to the “12 Steps to Happiness” post from last week. When I wrote this entry, I found that I became a little bit more aware of myself, and I hope you might try this yourself while getting to know me a little bit better, too. My name is Doris, and apparently that means “gift from the seas” in Greek. I prefer it when people call me Dee though. Sounds cooler, and I’d like to sound as cool as I can, because I’m not, really.I like the sounds and smells of nature (yes, including manure – I find it nicer than exhaust fumes), most people, most things, and most places. Too general? Ok, I like especially when babies laugh that uninhibited way they do (actually, when anybody laughs), I like unpredictable movies and Grey’s Anatomy, I like Sherlock Holmes, strawberries, inspiring people, the beach, my loved ones, and feeling peaceful.I don’t like rudeness, lies, feeling trapped, angry, useless or worthless. Things I think are rude: when people interrupt a conversation without notice and just leave, when people look at me and make up their minds i.e. judge by the cover. I don’t mind “everyday rudeness” so much, like when cashiers or waiters roll their eyes at me for asking them for something out of the ordinary, because they are working and might just have a bad day.

As for lies, everybody has to find their own way there. I think I could withhold pieces of information if I think it’s for the greater good, but generally I try to be honest with others and at peace with everything I say and do, which makes feeling embarrassed or ashamed and thus lying about things superfluous.

I feel trapped and angry and frustrated in conversations when words are being twisted in my mouth and I can’t stay calm and find ways to express what I want to communicate. Sometimes the other person is just being rude and not understanding on purpose, which still makes me angry but I can usually breathe that away.

I sometimes feel useless and worthless when I look at the numbers I’ve contributed to our joint bank account or the numbers on my scale, but I’m taking active steps to remedy both situations, so I feel active, in control and good about myself. Besides, they’re only numbers and don’t really reflect the mensch behind them; no numbers do.

Others have been kind enough to tell me they think I’m funny, entertaining, creative, kind, a good listener, a good friend, even a good person. I’ve also been told I can be too much in my head, not allowing myself to be emotional, at times condescending and self-righteous. I think I’m always trying to be fair and viewing all possible sides, I view myself as an open, flexible, real, uncool and honest person. I still consider myself a yogi, although I haven’t really practised in quite a few months now. Sometimes I’m judgmental, but that, losing weight and allowing the emotions in and then dealing with them appropriately and in the moment are things I’m happily working on.

Depending on the circumstances I am all of the above, plus a lot more.

In no particular order, I’m a woman, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, a godmother, a goddaughter, a friend, a wife, a sister-in-law, a daughter-in-law, a weightwatcher, a couch-potato, a neighbour, an acquaintance, a writer, a student and a coach. I am the sum of my past decisions and experiences, and the play dough for my future. I am neither the fears of my parents nor the limitations of my education. I am me, and the potential is endless.

Who are you?